Tuesday, May 17, 2022
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Aaa, Is This the Best Advice for Marriage?

Michelle Barack Obama

One day I started to get frustrated …

I had just gathered tea from the kitchen and asked Alex to throw it in the washing machine. (I usually do, but I was too busy.) Yes, she said yes. But that night, they were still there. The next morning, there was a pile. That evening: you know the drill. My thought plan? I always wash tea towels! Why do they still forget? Doesn’t he care about me ?! In my mind, I was going to wonderfully bat on it.

The next morning, working on my laptop near the towels, I saw this comment from a reader named Elizabeth:

“At the time of my wedding, guests were asked to write instructions to me for the bride. One card, marked ‘anonymous,’ simply stated, ‘Remember that you are also upset.’ My first instinct was to think, What? How could they? but it has been the best advice I have ever received! I keep asking myself why my husband did something wrong or when I was angry with him, remembering that he often thought the same thing about me. ”

What a bright moment! Because even though Alex can forget things like tea towels, there are a lot of things about me that make him calm. I have misophonia, so the tiny little noises amaze me; I lay diagonally on the bed; and I am the Best Chef in the World (last year’s pumpkin pie was somehow full of crushed egg?). But, at the end of the day, she loves me, I love her, and, as she puts it, it all comes out in the wash.

Thank you, Elizabeth, for this great memorial. And I’m curious – what other relationship advice is helpful for you?

PS What does marriage mean, and what drives you crazy about your loved one?

(Photos of Barack Obama / Instagram, NBD.)

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