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How to Rekindle Your Sex Drive, And Other Reader Questions


woman in bed

woman in bed

We’ve featured 18 reader questions in the past, and we’d love to do it again. Here are three more, including delicious desserts in NYC and three ways to feel like a sexual being…

Q. “I used to enjoy sex, but my libido died sometime during the pandemic. I’m single, but I don’t feel the desire for anyone. Honestly, if you told me I had to spend the rest of my life celibate, I’d be… fine? How can I get my sex drive back? Do I even care? ” – Amy

A. Hi, Amy. So, you’re not feeling like a sexual being right now, and that’s fine! Everyone’s sex drive ebbs and flows. But the fact that you asked this question makes me feel like you might be interested in getting back to a sexier spot, so here are three steps, if you’re in the mood:

1) First off, connect with your body. Sometimes in life, you end up feeling like a head on top of a body-shaped mass that doesn’t really have anything to do with you. So, take a long shower and notice the warm water on your skin; take a brisk walk until your cheeks grow rosy and windswept. Pull on something that makes you feel good – maybe a silky shirt or jeans that hug your curves.

2) Watching a sexy TV series can also put you in a sexy mindset. In my twenties, I tore through Gray’s Anatomy and found myself feeling really, really, really turned on, like, all the time. I actually wrote about it for Glamor: “I walk to work in the morning and check out guys on the street. Not in a doesn’t-he-look-cute-in-that-scarf kind of way, but in a that-guy-is-so-hot-I-want-to-drag-him-back-to-bed kind of way… My sex drive is on fire. ” You might try Normal People or Feel Good or Insecure or Bridgerton. (I would also recommend this Instagram.)

3) Finally, orgasms beget orgasms. The more you have, the more you want. To that end, I loooooove Pom, a flexible, waterproof vibrator with five intensities and patterns; as well as Eva, a game-changing, hands-free vibrator you can use solo or with a partner. Also, this sex oil feels (very) good. We mentioned this to Dame, and they are offering Cup of Jo readers 15% off any first order with code CUPOFJO15. I discovered vibrators in my twenties and I will never again live without one.

Hope this helps, Amy. CoJ readers, please share if you have more advice or have been in the same spot. (We all have!)

My friend Linus telling me about eating dirt cake

Q. “I live far from my grandkids. Are there games you can recommend for FaceTime / Zoom calls? What are good conversation starters that keep little ones engaged, apart from what did you do today? ” – Leslie

A. Yes! And I agree with you: “What did you do today” can be wildly overwhelming to a little dude, who lives firmly in the present and to whom a regular day feels like a lifetime. My go-to phone conversation with kids is: “Can I ask you three questions?” (a rhetoric device I learned during my law school days to structure the conversation and hold people’s attention). And then get very specific with your questions, since those are so much easier to answer than open-ended ones. For example: Did you have any dessert today? Can I see how high you can jump? (With slightly older kids, can I see how fast you can run / can I see you do a gymnastics or dance move / etc.) What is your favorite animal? How old are you, and when is your birthday? What movie do you like to watch? Is it snowy or sunny? I can make a funny sound, can you? Do you miss me because I miss you so much !!!!!

And for games, we like Skribbl.io, which is basically online Pictionary. When I was isolating with Covid, the boys and I played it a bunch on Zoom, and it was fun and engaging. I’m curious to hear more, if CoJ readers have ideas!

Q. What are your favorite dessert spots in NYC? You mentioned dessert dates with friends, and I’m coming to the city soon. – Eve

A. Good question! If you’re a cake person, take the train straight to Cobble Hill, Brooklyn, for Bar Bete’s yellow cake with a giant swoop of salted chocolate frosting. Don Angie in the West Village serves Fior di Latte Mochi, which is mochi stretched around fior di latte gelato, drizzled with olive oil and sprinkled with salt. If you’re craving chocolate (or need a great gift), you can’t go wrong with Stick With Me Sweets, a tiny chocolate shop in Nolita. Finally, I texted our food columnist Jenny Rosenstrach, who immediately shot back: “The Cereal Milk Soft Serve with Corn Flakes at Milk Bar!” Luckily, they have locations all over the city. Good app, Eve.

Thoughts? Do you agree with these? Or would you give different answers? Any other questions you’re mulling over these days? We’d love to hear…

PS More reader questions, and 12 reader comments on sex.

(Top by Nuria Seguí / Stocksy. Cake View large!





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