A few days after my daughter Margot was born, in October 2019, I was lying in bed looking at my phone (it turned out that fertility does not change. everything). As I was reading thank-you notes from family and friends, I noticed one from a woman named Emily. Emily was a friend of mine – a person I see at holiday parties and home heating. She had her first child a few months earlier, but I did not expect her to be the first to arrive after Margot’s birth, nor did I know that, of all the messages I had received, she would have. one I need.
His e-mail was not as thankful as the “welcome pack” – the kind you get when you start a new job. Thanks for your new person! Several FYI… It was a few helpful reminders – a fraudulent paper to name those days when you would not be able to know the amazing new program, and you realize what you have to do. use to this job for which you are not at all qualified.
I did this again and again, especially during those early days when I expected that the child would fire me as soon as he lifted his head. It helped to be reminded that there was someone out there with me. Someone to whom I can send my weird questions, without using Google with fear, asks, “Is this normal ???” i know he also writes, “omg, completely.”
Instead, within one week of Margot’s life, I had found some friends whom I could (and sent to) each time: What can I do to stay awake to eat ?! OH HOW CAN MY GOD END? Some of them were friends before, while others I knew because of past jobs or had never seen them since college. I’m not saying they just went through those weeks; I had a lot of support from real friends and relatives. But reading their polite, generous, unassuming responses, I did not feel supported normal.
Emily’s delivery was so emotional that when a friend gave birth a few months later, I sent it away. I have done this several times, adding some of the most helpful words I have received from other mothers during my new birth (along with my phone number). “There is no need to answer,” I wrote. “I just want to send these reminders, if you need them.”
1. The night can be stressful, but the day always comes. No matter how impossible it may seem at 3 am, there will be sunlight and coffee.
2. Everything is a part. Newborn stages go faster.
3. Fun, well-known songs help. When in doubt, play music.
4. Nothing sounds like a line, but all is progress. Of course.
5. Sleep – yours and theirs – will be everywhere. Do not look at the design, because there is none. Some people do not feel sleepy at first and feel like they have won the lottery, but everything changes suddenly. For others, it is the opposite. Do what you need to do to relax, but try not to worry if you have a “good night’s sleep” or “a good night’s sleep.” Enjoy a good night if / when you are with – and if / you are not, know that one day soon.
6. Listen to your gut, and trust the experts and loved ones you have chosen to trust. Your stomach has a lot on its plate right now.
7. Birth recovery is faster and slower than you think, and it is different for everyone. Eat, hydrate, drink poop tablets – they are the best in terms of international advice. Just know that your hormones are on the right track right now, and you have them on the move. (If it is more difficult, see # 6.)
8. The first 100 days or so are about survival. Activity is good, but don’t worry about setting up strong or making “bad” habits right now. Prioritize what you need to do, because all the baby needs from you.
9. Everyone will give you real years or life development when life gets better. Your age or major events may be quite different. But it will happen. To be honest I didn’t buy this one myself, but it’s true.
10. This is important: Basically, every mom is your friend now. Neighbors, former roommates, only Instagram friends – they are with you. You will be amazed at how many outside of your life will lift up and provide support. We are an invisible network that you did not know you had. Use us. Send us text messages. Do not hesitate to approach the complaint, question, photo, or fear that you are most afraid of not speaking out loud. No key words. There is no need to apologize or to retaliate. It may not solve the problem, but I can assure you, it will help.
There is so much about new family planning that I want to explain in words to everyone who needs to hear it: the growth of love and fear and how it sometimes seems so unbearable. Knowing that you are stronger, wiser, and more capable than you know yourself. That some of the hard parts that people warned you about are easier than you think, and that sounds like a secret you have to keep. And that there are some hard parts that no one mentioned and you can’t find on any YouTube video, so it should just be you, and it certainly feels like a secret.
Sometimes, the whole experience sounds like this – weird, weird, weird that you and your baby have. Therefore, the thing to remember is that the world is full of people who are secretive, with you.
PS “10 Things I always say to pregnant women,” as well as descriptive words for women.
(Photo by Jamie Grill Atlas / Stocksy.)